Loving What Is Loving What Is (Byron Katie)

One of the most profound mysteries I have experienced is why my patients who fight against their illness seem to have so much trouble, while those who come to insight and acceptance tend to do better. My wife, Lynda, recently introduced me to the work of Byron Katie after attending a workshop with her at the San Quentin prison, where Lynda teaches Non-Violent Communication classes to the inmates. The concepts, “the work,” presented in this book are worth including in any discussion of a holistic approach to medicine and perhaps help shed a little light on this mystery.

The first hurdle to cross in Byron Katie’s book is the most important and perplexing: Is it really correct to love what is? This is an especially poignant and important question in a medical context. Is it true that, if you suffer from crippling and painful rheumatoid arthritis, you should “love” this situation with all its attendant pain and disability? Or what if you have life-threatening cancer or heart disease? Does this mean you’re supposed to love that as well? After all, this is “what is”. Interestingly, popular culture and conventional thinking tell us that patients who do best are those who fight against their disease. We are never supposed to accept this sickness, which is tantamount to giving up.

Or what about the inmates at San Quentin? Are they supposed to love their life in what are unquestionably inhumane and degrading circumstances? Isn’t it even a little arrogant for those in good health and relatively well-off to preach to those less fortunate that they should love their unfortunate situation?

The question of “loving what is” is also a practical matter for us. Many patients come to me precisely because they are unhappy with their health and want to make positive changes in their lives. Am I supposed to say, “It’s fine, just love your pain, you’ll be fine”.

Obviously, this subject is very complex. Through a series of directed questions that Katie has developed, she leads the reader in the discovery of the deeper meaning in any of the events that happen to us, the so-called positive or negative events. In fact, on deeper inspection through these questions, we see the whole concept of positive or negative events evaporate and begin to see life as amazing series of spiritually meaningful events. Through her questions, the reader gets deeper into meaning, purpose and true insights into our lives. Over time, using these questions as guides, Katie describes how you will begin to come to acceptance about your life, seeing your own life as a kind of spiritual journey full of joy and purpose. Using these questions to examine pain and illness can leads you to understanding, joy and profound insight into your life.

This stands in direct opposition to the approach that counsels us to “fight” our illness. I can only say that in my 20-plus years of medical practice, I am inclined to believe that Katie’s approach is by far the most productive in the actual recovery from illness. In fact, it seems to be true that my patients who fight against their illness seem to have so much trouble, while those who come to insight and acceptance tend to do better. There is no obvious reason why this should be so but I have seen it many, many times in my practice. Loving What Is is one of the tools we can use in our healing, as we practice acceptance and insight in our daily lives.

For more information on Byron Katie, visit The Work website.